The Church is resurrected!
This is mostly for my own sanity as I feel the need to rant, rave, and express my profane inner being as the world goes completely and utterly fucking mad around me. Stocks are crashing, people are dying (see how I have my priorities straight there?), and the Tiger King is trending. I have no problem imagining a scenario that ends up with the end of the Great American experience, and I am strangely okay with that if it happens. The Absolutely Convinced have broken from their cages and dominate the world right now. The sheer number of instant experts on epidemics, economic, and supply chain management is hard for a mere mortal mind to imagine.
And where the hell has all the toilet paper gone?
The world is going to look a lot different after this current panic. I will be glad to see the end of causal hugging as I have never really been much of a fan. Until there is an actual effective vaccine, I probably will not be heading out to any concerts or baseball games. I can watch all that in my living room with having to worry about some stranger’s sneeze sending me to the ICU or the morgue. Bonus round there is I can have a hot dog and a beer for a total cost of about $2 buck with all the condiments and not a $20 bill. Better yet, I can have a steak and a high-end bourbon for about what the dog and the beer would have cost at the stadium.
I had one friend suggest that companies will rethink the need for office space when this is over. I really don’t think that will be the case at all. I have talked to several business owners that are complaining about the drop off in productivity in the past few weeks as workforces went home. People need supervision for the most part. That inner urge to fuck off runs strong in most of us, and it’s a lot harder to fuck off when the boss can see you through his office door.
The cruise ship industry is probably fucked. You will never get me on one of those floating death boxes again. I am not a fan of cruises anyway, but after this. I am sure there will be a lot of other folks who feel the same. Once the world is open again if I feel the need to watch severely sunburned Midwesterners annihilate a buffet while consuming lite beer from breakfast until bedtime because they paid for a drink package I can go down into the Keys without risking exposure to whatever filthy little virus has leaked out Africa or Asia and found its way across the world on a ship from which I cannot escape.
None of us will ever again be caught without at least 50 rolls of toilet paper.
There is a hope that we will figure out what is really important in life and treat each other better. I was very hopeful that this would happen after such a dangerous time. Then the weed wore off.
The insane part of all this is that a whole bunch of folks think this is all overrated and a whole bunch of other folks that think they will all die very soon from the virus. The rest of just wish the other two groups would stay home and stay off the damn internet. All this quarantining and recognizing that we may be wiping our asses with coffee filters before long is stressful enough. It is hard to enjoy surfing the web to keep your mind off the fact that the allegedly greatest nation on the face of the earth did not prepare itself for the possibility of something scientists have been telling us for years was absolutely going to happen.
Don’t take that as a political position, by the way. I hate both political parties equally. I changed to Independent several years ago and have no plans to join another one unless I make good my threats to start the “Leave Me the Fuck Alone” party. The Libertarians come closest, but most Libertarian gathering I have attended fall somewhere between Comicon and a Drug rehab reunion of backsliders with a few folks who would feel right at home drilling with the militias up in Idaho training to fight off the black helicopters.
When the history of the coronavirus is written, there will be blame for all the politicians of all ranks and stripes. The lack of preparation for a Pandemic-or a chemical attack that might have been like a pandemic- is stunning. Plans were written. They were even adopted at some levels of government. Elected officials said, “Yup. That’s good, Lets do that.” Then did nothing.
As I watched the debate over relief legislation work its way through Congress, I would like to say that politicians set aside their partisan dogma and passed the bill. I would like to say that, but I don’t have that much weed. Both parties postured while in the background they were trying to direct some of the trillions of dollars of relief to their favorite
Religion has shined during all of this as well. Several Mega Churches are having services with thousands of people watching, and the Pastors promise to pray away the virus if any of their flock gets the virus and falls ill.
Folks, Jesus is going to be very busy, what with all the wars and other human suffering going on in the world. There is a good chance he won’t be able to make time for someone who got sick because that is site don gathering a build with thousands of the potentially infected people to give their money to a preacher who will have a hard time deciding which of his house she should have his limo driver drop him off at when services are done.
Did you hear about all the mega-rich Super Churches opening their doors to help or sending checks for all the medical supplies that will be needed? Neither did I.
Folks, this is a wartime situation. The enemy is a microscopic buy, and we are all the front-line soldiers. We don’t even have to charge a hill or fall on a grenade to save our buddies. There is no boot camp.
All we have to do is stay at home. Read books, binge watch the Tiger King, stay drunk, do whatever the hell you want. But do it inside your house or in your back yard. Maybe some of you will get it right, get to know your kids, call your parents to check on them often, fallback in love with your spouse. I hope it works that way, but even if it doesn’t stay in the fucking house.
There is a lot of posts on social media about how busy obstetricians will be in the aftermath of all this. Do you know who else is going to be really busy? Divorce lawyers and urologist that specialize in vasectomies.
Let me clear all this up for you. The virus is real. It is killing people. Given the gross level of incompetence displayed over the years and in the early stages of the current pandemic, there is a good chance the government can’t save you.
What can save you- and everyone else that you give a shit about?
Staying in the damn house.
I also saw a study in the New England Journal of Medicine that found that only buying the amount of toilet paper you need and leaving some for the rest of us. Even better, buy one extra roll for grouchy old bitch across the street whose husband died a few years ago and whose kids cannot find the time to visit. You don’t even have to talk to her. Put on the porch, ring the bell, and run home.
We have seen some amazing acts of kindness during this mess. People are shopping for elderly relatives and neighbors. Taping Teddy Bears to the front door or in the window so neighborhood kids can go on a bear hunt. Filming concert and entertainment videos to keep folks from going crazy in their homes. Skyped pub crawls. Checking on elderly neighbors. Neighborhood sing a longs though open windows.
Be like those people.
If you can’t, at least don’t be a dick throwing coronavirus parties and buying dozens of packs of toilet paper,
I do love me some Thanksgiving. We usually have fairly loud ones around these parts with lots of noise, way too much food and a liberal amount of bourbon and wine. I love Thanksgiving so much I will even watch football tomorrow just to keep the tradition alive and our guests happy. My wife wanted to do the pay per view crackling fire so I am really thankful for friends that want to watch football so her natural good hostess tendencies save me $19.99. We have a total of 10 tomorrow which is just about right, maybe even a little on the small size. We have enough food and booze to feed a small army and grand times would seem to be indicated. Best all I do not have to buy one person a gift.
Before dinner, my wife will ask everyone what they are grateful for this year. Rather than just spout the usual family, country, friends routine I actually spent a few minutes thinking about my answer this year. Upon much reflection, I have decided that the proper answer is everything. I am thankful for everything and every moment that came before this moment. The good ones. The bad ones. The exquisite ones. The shitty ones. Each and every moment that lead to this moment and this place in time.
Think about this for a moment. Dr. Ali Binizar calculated the odds of you being born you and came up with roughly 1 in 10 to the 2,850,000 place. He summed it up like this “Imagine there was one life preserver thrown somewhere in some ocean and there is exactly one turtle in all of these oceans, swimming underwater somewhere. The probability that you came about and exist today is the same as that turtle sticking its head out of the water, in the middle of that life preserver. On one try.”
What are the odds of being born in The United States? Roughly 1 in 50 is the answer. The odds of being born in this era with technology leaping forward and making our lives better and longer? 1 in 400,000,000,000.The odds of someone who was the total fuckball I was as a kid reaching the levels I have reached in my 56 years of being? Incalculable. I will let you in on a little secret. When I was 16 or so the idea that I would live to see the turn of the century at the ripe old age of 39 didn’t seem all that likely to me. The idea that I would live far beyond that with many more stretching in front of (I hope) would have been worth little more than a sarcastic nasty chuckle.
So I am thankful for everything. Every sunrise ( I rarely ever see one of these elusive events but they tell it occurs every morning a few hours before I wake), every sunset, every morning, every late night and every minute between them. All of those minutes lead to this minute in this place with these people and there is nowhere else I would rather be.
Every minute. Everything that happened in all of those minutes. Every breath. Every heartbeat. Every person.
The minutes spent sitting in a jail cell with shit an blood smeared on the w3alls when I was a young shitbird without a clue.
The ones spent reading learning, expanding my horizons to include things I never dreamed possible
The first kisses
The last first kiss
The 6am drives to work after all night with a colicky son
The first time I looked into my children’s eyes
The first kiss under the wedding tree
Everyone who ever shared an idea or concept that helped my build my own better world.
Everyone who told me I couldn’t
The ones who took a chance on me when there was no reason to do so
Every composer who worked late into the night working on a song that I enjoyed and even those I don’t enjoy so much- except those of you writing rap music. Seriously-stop that shit.
Every author who shared their stories, dreams, knowledge, and insight to educate, entertain and inspire me
Every inventor who filled around in the garage and made part of my life better, faster, cheaper
Every scientist burning the late night oil in a lab developing products to save and improve my life
Every moment and every person that has touched my life along the way I am thankful for today. Some made my world a better place. Some few did their level best to destroy it and my survival of their assault made me stronger and smarter. Some loved me. Some hated me. Many didn’t actually give a shit about me at all but their passage helped steer me to here in this moment with these people living this life.
I won’t blow smoke up your ass and tell you we live in a perfect world. We most assuredly do not. We have people killing each other over which version of the magic man in the sky we should obey. We have a government that makes pimps, whores and thieves look honorable. That dreaded predator, the American Politician, still strides across the land. As does his even more deadly cousin the Religious Leader. The absolutely convinced still stir amongst us and regularly commit unsavory and almost unimaginable crimes in the name of the children.
No, it is not perfect at all. But it is life. something that is statically almost impossible to have achieved in and of itself. I am here in this place with these people, living this life and I am grateful for every moment that lead to this moment. Scratches dents, blemishes and all I am me and it is every moment and every person who crossed my path that has made that so.
Thank You. I am grateful.
Pass the gravy.
Do you hear that?
This new and sudden silence is deafening.
No crack of the bat. No slap of the mitt. No murmur in the stands. No roar of the crowd. No police whistles as they break up a fight at Citifield. No melodious tones of the announcers as they describe how the pitcher overcame juvenile explosive diarrhea to attain Major League success. Hell, I would go even put up with Joe Bucks annoying cadence and nonsense of the would turn the lights back on and open the turnstiles once more. But it is not to be. The 2017 baseball season is gone now. It had a good, exciting long life-extending as far as the rules allow but it has left the world leaving us only memories of its glory and grandeur. Spring training is 100 days away, and the silence is deafening.
Gone are the bright colors and melodic songs of the Blue Jays. Cardinals and Orioles. The Marlins and Rays scamper among the waves no longer. The Padres and Mariners have both ended their voyages for now. Though they are champions only memories of the Astros light the night sky now. The Rangers and Indians alike have retreated from the plains. The delights of spring and summer are gone once again along with the extreme passion and grand intensity of October.
Ahead lies only winter with Timberwolves, Grizzlies, Warriors, and Raptors to hold our attention to any degree. They won’t work for me as I find most NBA basketball to be absolutely unwatchable on TV. One can almost succumb to tears comparing Havlicek, Monroe, West, Frazier, Bird, and Magic to the run and slam version of the game played today. I must confess I do watch the highlights most nights but a whole game would be too much for me.
I have pondered my loss of interest in the NFL a great deal. Part of it is the fact that the game is shit. The referees seem to be determined to have more airtime than the two starting quarterbacks and flags fly out more consistency that many airlines have ever shown. While I am a fan of celebrating achievements watching some idiot do a victory dance because he sacked the quarterback while his team is losing 31-7 late in the 4th quarter disgusts me. If we are honest, it is just not a very good game anymore.
Part of it I think is social. Football is an excuse for the single, or no kids crowd to head to the bar at noon on Sunday and avoid the emptiness of an apartment on Sunday with no work or events to distract you. It is something to do when the snow is up to the low edge of your ass, and the idea of venturing outside is about as welcome as inviting a politician to dinner. It helps pass the winter and gives you something to think about besides frozen pipes salted driveways.
I am now married these past seven years and live in Florida. I am not a big fan of day drinking unless I can get a nap before dinner, so I don’t head out to the sports bars much anymore. There is always something to do in Florida and weather that allows you to do things.
I am sure it is a combination of things, but the NFL just does not hold my interest. I follow and watch Notre Dame and Navy at the college level but have no interest in the pro version of the game.
No, baseball is the game for me. An evening with a book, while the games played on the TV, has been the preferred activity of many of the last 249 days. Checking the MLB app on a regular basis when the wife wants to watch something else has also been a significant part of my life. Games on the radio version of the app while running around town doing errands while engaging in Florida things has also been a regular activity.
Now, that’s over. One catch, one toss from Altuve to first base and baseball is over. No more home runs, double plays, dumb baserunning, brilliant pitches, astounding catches, stretching a single or stealing a base. No more second-guessing the manager, yelling at umpires encased in my flat screen or wondering how in the hell Chris Davis could let that pitch go by without swinging. No more box score searching, mathematical determinations of how we can catch the division leaders with a little run of luck. There will be the hot stove league, trades and all sorts of managerial stuff going on all winter to follow. I will probably go sit at the bar during the Winter meetings next weekend to get a little fix. But none of it will enough.
The silence is deafening.
In the meantime here are the odds for 2018 to contemplate:
2018 World Series Odds
|Los Angeles Dodgers||5-1|
|New York Yankees||8-1|
|Boston Red Sox||10-1|
|New York Mets||20-1|
|St. Louis Cardinals||20-1|
|Tampa Bay Rays||30-1|
|Toronto Blue Jays||30-1|
|Chicago White Sox||50-1|
|Los Angeles Angels||50-1|
|San Francisco Giants||50-1|
|Kansas City Royals||80-1|
|San Diego Padres||80-1|
It is once again the most wonderful time of the year. Now even though the stores have had Christmas shit out for weeks, that’s not what I am talking about today. Don’t get me wrong. There is a lot to like about Christmas. There are family, friends, parties, left-over turkey sandwiches, mini-Hershey bars and all sort of things I like about Christmas. As we get closer to the big day I turn into a ho-ho-ho merry motherfucker but let’s be honest there are some things about the season that are a pain in the ass. The decor monster eats my house and yard. The son of a bitch yard guy who routinely runs over my wife’s pants and the garbage guy who is already paid outrageous wages expect Holiday Tips. Charities pop up everywhere with pictures of starving Ethiopian children and puppies tied to a cinder block behind a tenement in search of cash. Fistfight over Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays break out all over the place. Fat perverts with boozy breath in red suits set up shop all over the place. Christmas is nice, but it has its faults.
The most wonderful time of year for sports fans is September to the end of October. Baseball is in the home stretch, and we will soon have playoff baseball. Football is getting underway. I prefer the college game, but for most of America, the NFL is akin to religion. However, you like it it’s the start of pretty much seven days a week football on the television. If you are into tennis the UP Open is underway. The NASCAR playoffs start this month. Indy car racing season is finishing up. It’s the home stretch for MLS as well. This is the time of year that couches fear and TV salesman love. Truly, the most wonderful time of the year.
I don’t care if you are left, right or center if you made Houston, Rockport, and Beaumont about politics there is something fucking wrong with you. Hurricane Harvey had no politics. It was not George Bush’s fault. It was not because of some evil deed by that dastardly Barak Obama. It is not even Donald Trump’s fault. It was a hurricane, and people suffered regardless of race, creed, gender or politics. If politics is such a big part of your life that everything is political you are well on your way to becoming one of the Absolutely Convinced and are in danger of becoming part of the vile group of people whose tainted stench stains the very air we breathe.
If you watched the film this past weekend you saw the best of humanity in action. I am sure that the heroes in kayaks, canoes, john boats, bass boats jet skis and airboats were probably from everywhere on the political spectrum. They didn’t worry about the race, gender or politics of those they rescued. They were just people saving people. We could surely use a lot more people and a lot less politics.
Naturally, the climate change folks were out in force showing up even as people were abandoning their homes and struggling to survive. My dear friends if scientists are still debating the subject it is not settled science.1+1=2 is settled science. Water freezes at 32 degrees Fahrenheit is settled science. Climate change is a theory, and there seems to be lots of evidence on both sides. It is not settled by a long shot. We should be doing things to clean the air and water and protect the environment no matter which theory is correct, but there is no evidence that climate change is not making the storms worse.
Now the special kind of really fucking stupid among us will ask why we hear so much more about these storms today that our parents and grandparents did? Take a second and work your brain okay? These storms have been happening since the beginning of time but before funs thing like automobiles, air conditioning, mosquito repellant and indoor plumbing not many people lived in the suburbs of Houston. Before there was an oil industry there was pretty much no valid reason to live near Beaumont Texas. Rockport Texas was a fisherman and pirate playground until we got highways, cars, and bridges.
The storms happened. There just was not anyone there. There sure as shit was not CNN shoving a microphone up the nostrils of some poor bastards who had just spent 48 hours perched on the roof of their house until they were rescued. The year we had the most major hurricanes (1961) Jim Cantore was not even born yet.
The climate change true believers will point to the fact that 2005 was the most active year ever. Of course, the fact that Harvey was the first hurricane to hit the US in more than five years does not come up at all. Nor does the fact that the second most active year was 1933. No one likes to mention that third most active was 1886 and the longest hurricane season on record was 1899. 1886 was the year the most hurricane hit the US with a total of 7.
There have always been storms. The difference is that now people live there thanks to” just because we can doesn’t mean we should” technology improvements and the media. We don’t have a climate crisis as much as we have a media crisis.
While we are on the subject of media I have to say I don’t know any alt righters or lefters. I have some friends that have some pretty fucking goofy political ideas, but they don’t stand in the streets throwing bags of piss at police officers. I have met some cops that were real shit bags, but most of are good folks doing a difficult job and really don’t deserves the feces flinging we have seen in recent weeks. I don’t know anyone on the extreme violent edges of the political system, and I do not want to know them. They are no better than the corrupt politicians and crooked churchmen that make up the absolutely convinced, and they are a blight on society. If your ideas can only be distributed via violence your ideas are probably shit.
A very small percentage of the population falls into the “alt” classification but if you watch the news that’s all we see. The worst part is that if you just ignored the racist fucks on the alt right they would go away. The KKK and groups like them love publicity of any kind. They need it in the hopes that in the millions of people that see the shit show on TV there might be one or two other ignorant fucks who will then rally to their cause. The best recruiters the racist groups have are the Antifa morons and the press who worship them. Someone said the other day that we all have to pick sides in the growing political divide. I already picked mine. It’s the “leave me and mine alone, or I will bust a cap in your ass” side. Whether it’s the right or left cheek doesn’t matter to me.
We would be better off if more people chose that side. The greatest thing that could happen in this country today is if they held an election and nobody came. Whatever would we do if we had no one to tell us what to eat, drink, smoke or otherwise ingest. How could we function without Papa Government there to advise us? I suspect we would do just fine.
Same with church. Could we function without someone to tell us who to love, who to hate and direct our acts of kindness as directed? Maybe we would stop feeding the hungry children halfway across the world and feed the ones we stepped over to get into the services this morning. Maybe-just maybe- we stop hating people who believed in a different imaginary being than we do.
I am reminded of the word of Epicurus, the Greek philosopher when he spoke of the Gods. I think it today’s modern times we could also apply them to politicians at all levels:
“The gods can either take away evil from the world and will not, or, being willing to do so cannot; or they neither can nor will or lastly, they are able and willing. If they have the will to remove evil and cannot, then they are not omnipotent. If they can but will not, then they are not benevolent. If they are neither able nor willing, they are neither omnipotent nor benevolent. Lastly, if they are both able and willing to annihilate evil, why does it exist?”
Gods nor politician can do a lot to change your life. You can.
Gods nor Politicians have done a very good job of feeding the poor. We can
God and politicians have done a terrible job of improving our broken education system. We can
Gods and politicians cannot love, protect and support your family. You can
More People. Less Politics
When we moved a few weeks ago, I jokingly said that since we had a pond, I was going to call the place Melvin’s Pond and walk around…
When we use outrage about what’s happening over there as an excuse to avoid taking care of business over here.
Paying tribute to our great forefather.
The pursuit of happiness is one of your greatest rights granted by a benevolent deity but it is not just going to come to you like fairy dream on a wave of unicorn farts in the middle of the night.